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Wirral, England

When I told my colleagues I was heading to Liverpool, or more specifically Wirral – they were surprised and asked WHY? Let me add the fact that two third of my colleagues is English so they have their favourite parts of England.

Wirral is a charming little town, and I get why people would call it home – there is plenty of green and plenty of space to get lost in. It may not be in CNT or TripAdvisor’s lists of must-visit destination but when the heart calls, I must answer.

It is only 20 minutes drive from Liverpool where it is hustle and bustle. A night out of bars and restaurants, with all the usual conveniences and facilities of a city.

Head out to West Kirby to be fascinated by what appears to be people walking on water but hold and behold it’s a path enclosing the West Kirby Marine Lake. It was a nice windy walk with water on either side, it made the water girl in me happy.

Getting lost during a walk inside Royden Park, climbing rocks, and a bonus of muddy shoes due to a few days of rain. The park was filled with kids, parents, and grandparents – people of all ages for the easy or slightly steep walks.

If you have been reading my thought-scribble for the last few months, you would know that I have been learning a lot about life, my self, and pushing my boundaries.

My theme for 2018 is “Be Scared and Try Anyhow”. Visiting Wirral was one of those moments – I did something I have never done before. I booked a flight 2 weeks from departure, and my next challenge is to book a flight 2 days from departure.

I have been using less spreadsheet, leaning more on the one-day at a time approach.
I usually take calculated risks, but I am learning to calculate less.
I have been listening to my gut, heart, intuition, or whatever you call it, a bit more.

I am on this beautiful journey where things are effortless, stars are visibly aligning, my guardian angels are nearby, and there is no doubt in my heart the reality of my God.

When you spend enough time with me, you will know these phrases I live by, and you may not agree with one or more of them, but they keep my wheels turning.

Everything happens for a reason or a lesson – good or bad. These days, I smile through Sydney traffic, I don’t run toward the closing doors of a train, and the plane is late? So what!  After forgiving my self of all past regrets, I have been living the better years of my life with no regret, I take responsibility of every decision I’ve made – and yes I’ve lived through my bad decisions, lessons learned.

If it’s meant to be, I will be. The common phrase gives a sense of no effort on our part hence I like this version my dear friend came up with. The stars may aligned when it’s meant to be but we have to do something to make it happen.

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward” (E.E. Cummings)

I trusted my heart, the stars aligned like they are meant to be, and it happened for a reason. 44 hours return flight, 5 hours return trains, and 12 hours travel & wait time. Crazy effort? I am better to have known one special soul a little more.

Life throws balls and spears, and experiences makes you better at ducking, catching, and dismantling.

I’ve learned that it is not simply about having experiences; someone could have lots of experiences but have not learned to be taller and stronger, and will continue to catch and sometimes keep those balls. Once in a while, letting a spear pierce through the fragile heart.

We need the drive to never want to be in the hell’s pit, ever again. That drive for me is love, hope, and faith. The relentless love that finds me within my brokenness, within my darkness, when I’m scared, when I’m ashamed, when I’m anxious – the relentless, unconditional and undeserving love.

The hope that I have a purpose on Earth, I’m not floating molecules, and my purpose is bigger than me, bigger than my pain. My hope that my life is a blessing to at least one person, that my painful experiences will be a ray of hope to someone else.

Whether or not you are a believer, when you know me, there is no denying that my faith in God is the pulse of my heart. There is also no denying that my flesh is still failing, everyday; but I’m holding on to love, hope, and faith.

My guilt, shame, doubt, anxiety, depression, died that time in my room, that time at a church retreat, that time at church, that time in a hotel room, that time on a park bench, and countless other times. It is a never ending journey with countless victories, the battle gets smaller and easier with my heart growing bigger.

Here I am thinking the appropriateness of my birthday falling on Resurrection Sunday as once again I try to get up and win a small battle of mine. It’s a real reminder that on the 3rd, death is overcome.

I’m counting my blessing of having a community of believers worldwide as I wandered in the coldness of a foreign city; I stood outside a church, said hi to someone who happened to be an ex-Sydney-sider and she gave me a hug and a prayer.

Then a beautiful angel flew-by – from Cartagena to London; we met by chance in Cartagena, welcomed 2018 together and by my carelessness, I forgot that she is a Londoner. She knew my heart then and she knows my heart now – that’s an interesting coincidence in itself – how could I not believe in a guardian angel?

All these coincidences, or shall we call them miracles perfectly orchestrated?



Sound of Surviving – Nichole Nordeman

[Verse 1]
They told me
I’d never get to tell my story
Too many bullet holes
It would take a miracle
These voices
Inside my head like poison
Trying to steal my hope
Silencing my soul

[Pre-Chorus 1]
But my story is only now beginning
Don’t try to write my ending
Nobody gets to sing my song

[Chorus 1]
This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving

[Verse 2]
These pieces
The ones that left me bleeding
Intended for my pain
Became the gift You gave me
I gathered those pieces into a mountain
My freedom is in view
I’m stronger than I knew

[Pre-Chorus 2]
And this hill is not the one I die on
I’m going to lift my eyes and
I’m going to keep on climbing

[Chorus 1]
This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving

I’m still here
Say it to the ache, lying there awake
Say it to your tears
I’m still here
Say it to the pain, say it to the rain
Say it to your fear

[Chorus 2]
This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
No, I’m not done fighting
And I am still rising, rising
I’m still rising
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving

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